Wednesday, April 13, 2011

"I miss my China momma."

On the way to school this morning, the girls and I had this conversation:

Shea:  I miss my China momma.

Me:  Really?  I am sure you do.  I am so sorry.

Shea:  Well, I am not sure I miss her.....I just think about her....a lot.

Me:  Of course.  Whatcha thinking?

Shea:  Not sure.

Me:  When you think about your first momma, maybe you can pray for her also.

Shea:  Pray for what?

Me:   mmmmmm, pray that Jesus is watching over her.  Keeping her safe and protected.

Shea:  Safe and protected from what?

Me:   (Now I'm thinking.....I should not have said that.)  Just safe and protected, like how I pray that Jesus    
         keeps you safe and protected as you go through your day.

Avery:  I miss my China momma, too!

Me:  I am sure you do, Sweetie.

Avery:  Where is she?

Me:  In China.

Avery:  What is she doing?

Me:  Not sure.

Avery:  Oh.

Shea:   I mean, I really miss my foster momma.  She is the one who took care of me.....before you.

Me:  Yep.  She did.

Shea:  She had to take really good care of me because of my cleft palate.

Me:  Yes, she is amazing.

Avery:  I miss my foster momma.

Me:  You didn't have one.  (insert smile and small giggle)  You lived in an orphanage until we adopted you.
        Nannies took care of you.

Shea:  You didn't have a foster mother because you didn't have a special need like me.

          Ummmm, pause.....not sure what to say here...

Shea:  But you are still special, Avery!

(Way to go, Shea!)

And then, our conversation ended.
Just ended.

I had tears in my eyes.

The girls.
They started singing with the radio........

By the way, it's so true.....
The best, most important, serious, inspiring, conversations with your kids,
seems to occur in the car.....
on short trips to school, the store, the library, etc.
Usually, these talks are unexpected.
They always catch me by surprise.
I think I am getting better at navigating through them. (?)
Oh, these chats, are for the most part - brief.
But, so powerful.
They often render me reeling with lots of emotion and much reflecting.
My girls, well....
They seem to be so matter of fact.  So casual.  So.....natural to be asking these questions.
I guess this is their norm. (?)  This is their 'casual' every day regular stuff. (?)
Maybe on some days....
Today being one of them.

This is who they are.
Children with great loss.
Children who have several mothers.....important women in their lives.....past and present.
Children with the ability to accept and move on....for now.
Children who can still love freely.
Children who know they are greatly treasured and loved.
Children who can feel confident in expressing themselves.
My children.
My regular, every day children who have some not so regular, every day stuff to think about and deal with.
My children.
My amazing children.
My children who have the grace and dignity to embrace their past, enjoy their present, and wait as their future on folds.

What a future it will be!!!!


  1. Wow, you carried yourself well. Just recently, K'Tyo got a puzzled look on his face & said, "Who held me when I was a baby?" Whoa. Caught me off guard, & I was so thankful to be able to choke something out considering the lump in my throat & the feeling like I took a punch to the stomach. I need to be more ready b/c I think he's finally starting to process (which I have been hoping for b/c we have no history at all, so I'm hoping for some memories to find their way).

  2. Wow - isnt it amazing what kind of conversations our kids can start?!?! And the bottom line - they are BOTH special and they are BOTh SO VERY loved, by women in China and by their Mommy here! Wow!!

  3. Oh Chris,

    My oldest hit me in the van on Saturday night (as it was raining out I'll add) with, "Mommy, why couldn't my belly mommy take care of me?"

    I so "get" your entire last paragraph of who they are. Our children have a strength that I hope to attain one day...

  4. Gracious that is amazing. I think you are doing great and I hope to have your wisdom when the questions start flowing around our house!

  5. You handled that with much GRACE and LOVE!
    Good for you!

    You are SOOOO right...BIG TOPICS in trips to and fro in the car! OY!

  6. "But you are still special, Avery!"

    That just makes me melt.

    When I had roommates we left a lot of serious discussions for road trips on purpose. There's something about being in a car that just brings out honesty in people.

  7. Chris,
    I had Gavin say the very same thing not to long ago as he had tears in his eyes and crawling into my bed with me. I am so grateful he has memories of his China mommy (foster), I just feel so lost for words when he wants to talk about her. Thank goodness thats where the Holy Spirit steps in and takes over.